>>31096068

But then I hear glass breaking, look up and see Batman jumping down through the skylight, right in the middle of this brawl, and just start's going to town on all of 'em! Two minutes and a lot of fancy moves later, the Bat's the last one standing. I think for sure he knows we're there and is gonna come for us next, but he just walks over to one of the containers, probably the one we were all interested in, opens it up and walks in, so Bobby and I decide to take off before he comes back out.

We get back to the hideout, Joker's blowing his top that we came back empty handed. I figure we're both dead right there, but I try to tell him what happened anyway. His mood does a 180 and he asks if either of us managed to record it. I pull out my phone and hand it to him, he starts watching the video and laughing his head off. He tells me it's great footage, then he pulls out a .357 and shoots Bobby dead where he stands. Says it's for not getting the item he wanted, but I get a pass for bringing him the video. Then he walks off with my phone saying he's gonna have Harley post the thing on YouTube.

So that's how I spent my Halloween. Any of you other henchmen out there got any freaky holiday stories, or freaky stories in general?

what a story marc

>>31096093
link to vid pls

Guys

Whatever the fuck you do

Do NOT catch yourself in Scarecrow's employ when Halloween rolls around.

>>31096184
I just looked, they took it down already. "Terms of Use Violation" they said. I'm guessing they know who posted it and didn't want it there. I'd download it off my phone and send it to you, but Joker's still got it, and I'm not about to ask for it back. Easier to just buy a new one.

>>31096212
How the hell does Scarecrow even manage to get anyone to work for him. At least with Joker, you're odds of survival are still okay, not as good as others, but okay. But you know that Crane *will* eventually use you for one of his "experiments", and when that happens, you'll probably wish you were dead.

Guys.

Most of the time, he's kind of harmless. Even when he does act up, it's gamey kind of stunts - nothing too big, but lower risk compared to say, I don't know, Joker, or Riddler.

But on Halloween - oh, jesus, on Hallow-fucking-ween, do NOT mess with fucking Calendar Man.

Every time I close my eyes
I am reminded of what I saw that night.

>>31096522
Yeah, Halloween's the absolute worst time to work for him. Bright side, though, you only have to work holidays, the paychecks are large since they don't come too often, and you get every normal day of the year free to do whatever.

You'd think the Sinestro Corps--our big thing being fear and all, though more precisely rule through such--might visit 2814 on Halloween, right? Screw with the pinkskin kids a little. Show them what being afraid is REALLY like.

Well, we used to. Except then, last year, Kryb decides to come along on the little yearly detachment.

And. Well.

...Arkillo issued an edict that all Sinestros are to fucking evacuate the space around 2814 on that date to avoid a repeat of what happened that night.

Black Mask can be really hard to work for sometimes, but man, he throws some killer Halloween parties. Seriously, you ought to see some of the masks people wear to those things. I'm talking real Venetian, Eyes Wide Shut kind of stuff here. And he always hires the best DJs in town, too.

You know who's a cushy gig guys?
Riddler.
AT worst your in a heist in a green question mark mask and get busted by The Bat, but Riddler always makes those jobs smash and grabs so more likely your already in the vehicle on your way out and The Bat just disables you and off to Blackgate.
NO wait, the worst you can do for Riddler is mess up one of his little puzzles. A guy I worked with, Mike, was doing one of those invisible Question Marks, and not five minutes after he gets back to base Batman e-mails a picture of it to the Riddler, and he just goes off! Yelling and screaming about what a moron Mike is and how he made is too simple and whaling on Mike with that bigass cane of his, then he just stops and smiles puts his arm around Mike and says since he was so bad at that job hes got a much simpler one for him and that ill get to help.
Hour later i'm setting mike up as a ballast to a weight system that'll drop him into a vat of acid if a series of neon question marks aren't triggered in the right order corresponding to a riddle waiting for Batman. I triple check that rig and said sorry to Mike and got my ass out of there.
Mikes fine though, and I made damn well sure that it wasn't my fault that Batman got through without so much as a scratch.

>>31097137

Yeesh. Yeah, see, this is why I can't do work for Riddler. You mess up one little aspect of the puzzle or you misspell one obscure word in the riddle, pretty soon you're piranha food and that's the joke.

Penguin, man, though, he does right by his henchmen. Sure, he's not half as high-class as he pretends, but as long as you don't point that out to him, or go around picking on his birds? Best boss to have.

Halloween, though, he's a little weird. Everyone has to wear a penguin costume.

The exact same penguin costume.

And slide around on a bunch of icebergs while we eat sushi.

But that's about as bad as it gets, unless the Bat comes around, and well, then you're fucked anyway.

You know who's the absolute best guy to work for on Halloween? Killer Croc. Once the sun goes down, it's an all-night club-hopping rager right up until dawn. Croc loves it because usually most of the people you run into are either too high, too drunk or too dumb to realize he's not wearing a costume, and the few who do recognize him get too scared to do anything about it. You'll probably have a monster hangover come morning, but trust me, it's totally worth it.

>>31097137
Yeah, Riddler's a real hardass when it comes to those puzzles. But when you're actually pulling a robbery or something else like that, you get a lot more leeway, since he expects everyone who works for him to screw up 'cause he thinks everyone's dumber than he is.

I always like working for Black Mask on Halloween. He's fucking loaded, so we get a huge party all kinds of girls and he's in a great mood because he doesn't seem as out of place and freaky as usual.

You'd think Two-Face might want to cut loose on Halloween, but he's always gotta flip that coin for every decision. Good side, everyone gets the night off. Bad side, it's business as usual.

>>31097912
EXACTLY
Smash and grab just give him enough time for him to leave his inane riddle and your golden

Man, I wish I got paid last night.

I spent the night "coerced" into working catering at some mob-family's Halloween party.
If I didn't to the job (for free), they said they'd torch my business. My boss can barely afford my paycheck after paying "protection", let alone legitimate insurance.
So I try to do the best job possible and leave no room for anyone to fuck me or my job up. Especially since my cousin cashed in a few favors to get me this job and I'm saving every dime I can to get the hell out of Gotham.

Just my luck, though, fucking HUNTRESS busts in the window of the venue and just starts firing cross-bow bolts everywhere.
One catches me in the shoulder. Bitch literally walks over me to get to some Don or something trying to get out behind me.
She loses the guy eventually and comes back to the room I'm bleeding out in. I barely manage to ask her shy she shot me. Just before I black out I hear some half-assed apology about how the party was a masquerade and she couldn't tell if I was a good guy or bad behind the mask.

Woke up this morning with stitches in my shoulder and three bruised ribs.
I've got no "vigilante intervention" clause in my health insurance and the hospital bills are more than I had saved up for my get-away. So now I'm stuck working under the fucking mob for the foreseeable future.

>>31097137
>working for Riddler
>actually get away after a heist
>we stop for cake
>fuck yeah cake
>mfw he and his dyke henchgirls keep it all to themselves and eat it in front of us

I got myself a job with Mad Hatter this Halloween. Wanted to play it safe. Last year I was on Scarecrow's crew, and SHIT, I was lucky he didn't decide to do his magic on me. Dude apparently decided he'd rather have me doing the scaring. Dodged a bullet there, once the Bat knocked him out I got the hell out of there.

Any, back to the Mad Hatter. Anyway, he's in a real good mood on Halloween. He really doesn't care about masks, but there's a bunch of people running around in hats and apparently he gets off on that. He loves the kids too. No criminal bullshit on halloween. He just hands out literal hatloads of candy. Robbed like 50 hat stores and candy stores a week ago, and last night he just goes around passing out fedoras, beanies, tophats, all loaded with candy.

>>31097310
God, working for the Penguin, best job of my life. And he actually knows how to run a business, so after he didn't need my services I had references in legitimate industries. Made it MUCH easier to get a job on the up and up.

>>31098992
Sounds like a decent guy. He looking for any particular skill sets?

>>31098575
oh man, I remember when I rolled with Two-Face. I was low man on the pole, running here and there, never really worked for the man directly until about last August. Turns out his Lieutenant, dude I was working for, was skimming a bit for himself and Two-Face came and put two in his head. And that just happened, out of the blue, he walked in and that was the first thing he did, didn't even break his stride. Now he's looking at me, I'm trying not to piss himself and he's asking if I was in on it. Well of course I say no but he flips to see if my story holds water. He says nothing, it's like time froze and he was still aiming at me, I'm just sweating bullets until he holsters it. Tells me to dump the body and come back to his hideout.
Fucking luckiest thing, after I slid the body into the drink, Batman busted Two-Face and his gang so I just went home and thanked god to be done with that bi-polar freak

>>31098992
Man, you really are a rube. You do know what was in those hats and in that candy, right? And you know why he loves children so much, don't you? Actually, it's probably best you don't think about it too much.

You know why we all work for guys like Crock and the Joker? Because this cult of the Batman just beats all the up and comers down.

Seriously, so my friend Joe, he needed some quick cash for his kid's meds. Boss threw him on his ass, no severance, nothing. Black Mask says "I just need you to unload some crates tonight." So Joe goes to the dock, puts some crates in the warehouse. And out of nowhere, the Batman comes and breaks his arm. He runs down, but some kid (without pants) comes and beats the shit out of him. As he's crawling some purple prostitute with a crossbow and motorbike breaks his leg.
He's now recovering, unable to pay his or his kid's bills. Black Mask, gets away. Batman doesn't even chase him off the docks. Big crime fighter spends all his time picking on the little guys.

See the cowled freak myself. Those eyes of his, like pure white triangles. I swear he looks so messed up, I bet he brings those kids back to some dark cave and make them give oaths or something.

>>31099101
Oh bullshit he does. He's a nice guy, not everyone is looking to fuck kids. Jesus, they're criminals, not monsters.

>>31098575
A pal of mine worked for Two-Face on one of his bad days. My pal made a a "prices half-off" joke before Black Friday. Two-Face flips his little coin and sends him to get some supplies, you know basic shit, beer, groceries, that kind of stuff. Anyways when he comes back he asks for a receipt. It was weird because he never asks for it, we usually just have bit of cash for basic necessities lying around. This is pretty much what happened.
"Any good deals Joe?"
"Huh? Whata you mean boss?"
"You know, deals. 20% off, buy one get one free...."
He pulls out his gun
"Half off next purchase..."
He shoots him twice at the kneecaps.
"Huh, I guess he didn't get any good deals after all."

My pal lived, but wasn't able to walk for ages. He had to go through physical therapy and everything. Anyways, months after this he gets a letter in the mail. It didn't have an address, but was full of 50% off coupons from the previous year along with a copy of the receipt. Oh, and a message too.
"Wishing you good fortune at a fraction of the cost."

Two-Face has a sense of humor that's nearly has bad as the Joker's. I still don't know if he got the good flip.

You think your bosses are whack? Try Dent!
Guy has a clear bi-polar disorder.
He loves candy, thinks all kids should get a Twix. Next thing he does and give out tainted candy.
He's got two masks, one for each face. He other looks normal or he's a zombie.

End of the night, he pays half the guys. Double or nothing! A flip of the coin, you get twice as much or shit-all.

Me, I sat this one out, tainted candies, shit ain't right. Now Dent is doing something with ice-cream, again. A double swirl, half-chocolate, half-vanilla.
(I hear the Joker wants in on it!)

Heading down to Opal tomorrow, all their heroes are dropping like flies.

>>31098796
I probably shouldn't mention this, but if you want out of Gotham quick and need money, you could always take out a loan from Great White Shark. See, on a case-by-case basis, and I think you'd probably qualify, he won't ask for payments, interest, collateral or anything like that. He'll just give you however much you need, and in return he'll ask you, at some point in the future, to do a favor for him. It might be an hour later, it might be years later. But wherever you are, he'll find you somehow, and call that favor in. Couldn't tell you what the favor might be, it varies, but whatever it is, you'd better do it. Because if you don't, he'll send Humpty Dumpty out to "fix" you. And you don't want that. Not at all.

Not saying you *shoud* do this, just letting you know about the option.

>>31099154
Right, he's only interested in the little blonde girls. Wait, he doesn't make you wear a hat, does he? If he does, I think I know where your answers might be coming from...

>>31096068
AND this is why im moving to bludhaven

>>31099101
I heard all that stuff was just a rumor Penguin spread around to get back at Hatter for ruining some Wonderland themed Halloween part one year.
Heard the Hatter was out and clean for a month and Cobblepot invited him for the novelty, next thing you know hes fallen head over hells for the Alice Penguin hired (which I hear The Bird put her up to flirting with him) and everything goes out the window. Hatters wearing his chapeau and everyone is dancing to his tune.
Long story short, three weeks later a SWAT team and Batman later The Bird has his club back and a nasty rumor to spread.
Or at least that's what i heard. Guy I heard it from runs with Joker and said the J-Man himself told it so take it as you will.

Anyone ever think of moving to metropolis? Superman won't break my fucking ribs at least...

>>31099154
He's definitely a creeper though, I worked a Halloween night with him once. He basically gave out mind control hats to a whole bunch of rich kids, I thought that we were gonna hold them hostage or something. Do you know what he does? He makes them stop what they're doing and takes them trick or treating all over the fucking town.

We walked like 20 fucking miles. I had to pull a wheelbarrow full of candy up Kane Hill, do you know how fucking steep that place is? Anyways, to end the whole night off we stop by at Arkham, ARKHAM!

He tells me to take the wheelbarrow inside (freaking out the receptionists) and says goodbye to the kids. Then he fucking checks himself in of all things. I managed to make some excuse on seeing the kids home and he waves me off like he's having the best daydream of his entire fucking life. I got lucky that I managed to avoid the cops.

I didn't even get fucking paid.

>>31098911
Better than working for Luthor, my cousin did some dirty work for him over in metropolis, and damn did he ever have an appetite for cake.

>>31099154
Croc is a monster....

>>31099404
Don't bother bro. My cousin Mark was pulling some job down there and got his shit pushed in by Robin and that Batgirl with the leather fetish....

>>31099440
Look, I don't pretend to really know anything about Hatter. In fact, I try real hard not to know too much about him.

...okay, this is a weird story
Penguin had a bunch of us run down to the museum, tells us he had an inside guy open the back door so we can unload some nice antiques from storage. Well, we get there and the door's open and all but no one there waiting for us. Everyone goes in before me but before I close the door, I swear I could smell something...like kinda sweet all of sudden.
I close the door and bam! Someone was gassing us; i couldn't breathe, my eyes were watering, thought i was gonna die. Then, next thing I could remember, i wake up face down in the park, body feels like I got hit with a truck, twice, and Batman pulling out one of my buddies from some kind of mutant peapod.
I STILL have no idea what happened.

Fuck all you goons, i remember the good ol days. I worked for the Roman, and now two-face. CatBitch is gunna get hers

>>31099533
Oh yeah, I heard about that job. What the fuck was up with him stealing all of those cakes? What was it, 37?

>>31099605
Fuck the bat. We all have to wrk for freaks because of him.

>>31099574
Hey, Croc can be a real bro when his issues aren't getting to him. When they are, though, it's best just to avoid him.

>>31099586
Sounds like Poison Ivy beat Penguin to the punch. You're just lucky you didn't end up one of her spore drones.

>>31099621
40 all by himself. meant for orphans, even I don't go that low. Fucking terrible.

>>31099670
Yeah, he's treated like a fucking monster sometimes.
I hear they have him chained in a tank full of water at Arkham.
I mean even if he was pumped full of mutagen he's still fucking human. Shit's not cool.
Then again he did eat three people the last time he got out...

Who pays the best? Because I'm getting fucking scraps from the joker.

Have I got a story last Halloween night!

I'm in the bad part of town, visiting my favorite joint (Grin and Bare it!) And who comes in? Green Lantern. The one with red hair.

So he sits down, gets a bit drunk, woman rejects him.
Finally, some guy says "I'm a huge fan!" buys him a drink. Greenie falls down, clearly the drink was clearly drugged.

The guy pulls him into the back room. Ten minutes later, a fat Italian comes in, leaves the door open a crack and starts saying 'Bueno' or something like that all night.

2am, I leave out the back door, Green Lantern is laying in the dumpster, with NO PANTS!

True story.

okay, this one's bullshit but it's so out there I gotta tell it
My friend Ricky says he boosted surgery equipment from Gotham General for Bruce Wayne. Guy's full of shit, says Wayne really got off putting his hands on the stuff and not just the sharp shit either, it's like he's been jonesing bad for some high end surgical gear.

>>31099694
Worst part about that is Luthor is so filthy rich he could probably build a 1:1 scale model of Metropolis out of cake, but he still steals it. What a douche.

I remember one New Year's Eve, I was working for Black Mask, and I got the thankless job of watching his car while he was inside a club waiting on the final countdown. It's just past midnight, the cheering from the square is still going on, but I don't see another soul around on the street I'm on. Then all of the sudden, someone thwacks me in the head from behind and I go down. Then I get turned over to see Mr. Zsasz holding a knife to my throat, says I'm gonna be his first mark of the new year. I'm thinking I'm done for, but then Black Mask walks out of the club with two bodyguards, sees what's going on and pulls one of his guns. "We gonna have a problem here, Zsasz?" he asks. Zsasz says no, puts the knife away and runs off. I pick myself up, dust myself off, and Black Mask walks up to me and says, "Take the rest of the night off. But if you ever let anyone get the drop on you like that again, I'll cut your eyes out, 'cause you obviously aren't using 'em."

Even working for supervillains, that's not something that happens every day.

>>31099857
Still, gotta admire Luthor, dude could pay ANYONE to take those cakes, but goes and gets his hands frosty himself.

>>31097310
Sweet mother of god do not insult his class or style of dress . I had a friend named Bobby real smartass thought of himself as one bad motherfucker but in reality the only thing he was good at was driving and since Archam city doesn’t have a lot of working cars he’s basically just a useless load continually mouthing off .The Penguin kept him on because I kept on covering for his ass doing twice the work as everyone else .So one day Bobby’s mouthing off mocking the Penguins clothes and his way of speaking and it turns out he was right behind us . I try to stop the fucker shut him up but the Penguin hears what he saying gives us a fucking scary ass look and walks away . Two weeks later me and Bobby are sent to set up some bombs on a bridge and next thing we know the bombs go off and we’re stuck in Joker territory . Bobby gets his head smashed in by some lunatic with a hammer and I barely get out alive spend the next two weeks hiding in cracks and making my way across town in the process I get my ass kicked twice by the Batman the second time ending with me getting my arm broken and when I finally get back the Penguin gives me a look before kicking me in the chest and telling me to choose my friends more carefully .

Lol you guys are stupid don't you know the Joker eventually kills everyone who has ever worked for him for shits and giggles?

You know who's an awesome boss? Good ole Matches Malone - whatta mensch. Between all the whack jobs running around in this city, you usually don't get a chance to work with anyone close to normal - but man, with Malone, no henchmen get-ups, no freaks, hell, even no Bats. I guess he's too busy with the mooks wearing clown masks. God, I loved working for that guy.

>>31099771
Joker tends to leave most of the take to his henchmen, but yeah his wages are crap when you aren't pulling a big job.

>>31099694
He ate forty whole cakes all by himself? How is this guy not a diabetic fatass?

man. you guys are lucky to be able to bitch about your jobs like this online.

my employer's got guys like me sitting on the web 24/7/365 just to spy on his own employees....facebook pages, twitter, shit...even myspace! can you believe people still use that shit?

anyway, yeah. he's a real stickler for keeping people in line and if he even catches word of a complaint or a snide remark about his helmet looking like a fishbowl, you're either sent off to the arctic circle or he has the doctor "re-educate" you.

once knew a guy who made an off remark about their not being any cobra cola int he vending machines at the office...last i heard he was transfered to some crocodile infested man made island off the pacific.

>>31099948
As far as I know, he only did that once, after he got that plastic surgery to fix that gunshot wound. Then again, who can say for sure, this is Joker we're talking about.

>>31099965
Matches Malone is Bruce Wayne in a wig and a dime store mustache

Don't think Metropolis is any better, guys. I don't even wanna talk about Toyman.

>>31100106
Bullshit. The man is clearly an evil Tony Stark.

>>31099503
Yeah but the fuckers preachy as hell . Spent twenty minutes lecturing me about going back to school getting a legal job making something of myself . Best godamn moment of my life was when i shut him up for the rest of the trip by asking a simple question .
"What the fuck kind of legit job would hire someone like me "

>>31100111
No please, tell me a story about him.

>>31100111
well there's your problem. You want work in Metropolis, everyone knows the money is in Intergang. I hear the heat they pack is out of this world

>>31100111
Toyman's not the only problem with Metropolis. Seriously, could any of us here really even dream of being able to afford rent in that town?

Working for Penguin was pretty cushy, but jesus, you'd think the guy would give us better coats. The only ones that fight over our vest are crap, I'm barely concentrating on the job since I'm freezing my ass off in the Iceberg Lounge. Doesn't even give us thermal sensors while we're in the building, the damn Bat is practically invisible whenever he decides to break in.

>>31100020
Ya, working for Dick Cheney sucks.

Man, I was running with Bane last year. Now there's a boss who does right by his men. So he doesn't call it Halloween, but he throws a huge Dia De Los Muertos party in the little Havana quarter. We spent the whole night in costumes, Dave, my pal, plays guitar so he had a Mariachi thing going and its like a big hispanic culture pride thing. Funny thing is, most of us aren't even hispanic and a lot of the folks in little Havana aren't Mexican, but Bane don't care either way. First time in awhile I spent a night in a freaky costume without stealing anything or worrying about the bat showing up, but we still got paid and the smiles on the kids faces we put on made it more than worth it.

>>31100215
You want the best winter gear out there? Sign on with Mr. Freeze. Hell, he'll give the stuff to you free, since you'll need it just to work in the same building as him.

>>31099670
Oh yeah man Croc is a total bro. This one time I was working for him he threw this big rock at the bat, almost got him. Shit was so cash.

>>31100234
Hey, work with Bane; expect back breaking work.

>>31100233
lol actually...dick cheney works for HIM.

you'd be surprised how many politicians work for this guy....democrats, republicans...they all wea red around he-

oh shit! red alert! gotta go guys, some shit's going on outside the office.

Halloween sucked. I work for Freeze and someone thought it would be funny to paint Nora's cube to look like a Companion Cube. Freeze froze 10 of my buddies for being involved in the idea and then he went off to sulk by himself.

Was anyone else running with Riddler during that time where he thought Bruce Wayne was Batman? Fucking hysterical.

>>31100015
>>31099694
>>31099857
>>31099621
>>31099533
Joker loves to go on about Luthor
Apparently with him its not about the job so much as proving he can do it, that hes better than you.
So probably the bakery owner was probably just bragging about security or something why Luthor was in ear shot
Alot like Riddler like that I guess

>BEST CRIME BOSSES IN GOTHAM CITY
>GOD TIER
Penguin
>HIGH TIER
Mr. Freeze, Black Mask
>MID TIER
Riddler, Two-Face
>LOW TIER
Joker, Scarerow
>SHIT TIER
Mad Hatter, Professor Pyg

>>31100338
Shit! It's happening outside your office too? Are we on the same street, or is this another multiple event night in the city of the knight?

>>31100234
Yeah, Bane treats his men right. He won't kill you for fun like Joker, isn't bipolar like Two-Face, isn't a sadist like Penguin or Black Mask, and doesn't use them for test subjects like Hatter or Scarecrow. And whenever he puts a plan in action, you know he really knows what he's doing. No elaborate riddles or coin-flipping for him, just a goal and a list of steps to meet it.

>>31100366
Yeah, well it diddn't help that Fatts said he wanted off to spend time with his family.

he was on edge all day. You know how he gets when people mention the "W" word

>>31100274
that's the problem there, being in the same room with him. When it's work time, it's alright, you do what you're told...but when it's down time
oh god, Nora this and loneliness that. Yea, we get it snowman, you wish your wife was around. Of course it's all bullshit, everyone knows about his "hench" girls. I know strippers when I see them, only a seasoned pro can walk around a Freeze hide out in a mini without getting their legs frostbitten

>>31096522
I've henched for Calendar Man, he's actually not that bad as people say. It's basically like workin' for Black Mask once or twice a month.

>>31100404
>Penguin
>God Tier
Right. Enjoy getting both of your legs broke when the Bat and Bird Boy fuck up your next job.

>>31100404
>Working for joker
>2011
Are you kidding me? He doesn't even pay past the 4th check. he just capps you.

>>31100379
I hear Joker and Lex have actually teamed up, anyone here witness that and live to tell it?

Course, then you end up with Batman AND the goddamn big blue boy scout himself kicking your ass. I just can't picture those two working together, though.

Anyone remember back when the Italian bosses were running this city?

What happened to those days?

>>31100453
I hear Calendar Man's even worse than Black Mask on a bad day, though. Yeah, worse. Wrap your head around that. Or, don't.

>>31100234
Oh yeah, that was great, but you still have to watch out what you dress as. Friend of a friend of mine, Joey went to one of his shindigs last year thinkin' it was just a straight Halloween kick, right? Dressed up like Fidel Castro, giant beard and cigar and all, and just walked up to Bane.

Well, Bane just stood there staring for a moment dazed, then just straight piledrove him headfirst into the ground. It was awkward until he started pulling these pinatas out for the kids, and we all forgot about the entire thing until cleanup when we remembered this dude wasn't part of the decorations. Hell of a party though.

>>31099965

You know what? My cousin Doug has only great things to say about the guy. They were pulling a routine heist over by the First Bank of Gotham, and before you know it, the GPD was all over their asses. Malone and the rest of the crew got away, but Doug caught a few in the shoulder and got cuffed.

Now, Doug's no rat, but they had him at the station for at least two days after getting patched up. My aunt was in tears, she told him not to get mixed up in that kinda shit - but you know, it's Gotham. We can't all be fucking trust fund babies, and half of the time, guys are just trying to pick up enough cash to get out of here.

Anyway, we were afraid Malone might've taken some... steps to clean things up. Now, in Gotham, when the freaks tend to cut loose ends, they chop the whole spindle - you know what I'm saying? I've got a buddy who died laughing from Joker Venom snuck into the seat of his pants - and he was just a driving a fucking prison bus - and my brother-in-law got his brains fried by a beanie the Hatter made him wear when he busted that art exhibit a few years back. Me and my aunt, we weren't so sure we were gonna get Dougie back. Now Malone aint one of them freaks, but you know there's gotta be a guy or two willing to make a "special delivery" for him.

But lo and behold, Doug was back and outta the clink safe and sound, except for his poor busted shoulder. Apparently, Malone does have a couple of guys at the precinct on the up and up, and pulled some strings. I haven't seen a class act like that since my uncle worked for the Roman.

>>31100274
Pfft, I had a buddy who worked for Freeze. Says it's insufferable. All that man is does is go on and on about how much he misses his wife, talking about dead flowers and youth, and when he's working on a formula, he won't talk at all. Heart of ice, that guy's got.

>>31100486
I met a guy who worked for Joker for 2 years straight. Joker keeps him alive because he supposedly makes the best pies for throwing. Joker loves a good pie gag.

>>31100234
Bane madre de dios that guys the jefe de jefes . If he wanted me to go toe to toe with that monstro Batman I would do it with out a second thought . You see I used to fight in the Black Alley fight ring good money and the only people who got hurt were the idiots who agreed to fight in the ring . Hell the Batman himself looked the other way because its just a bunch of thugs beating each other up .Cue Superman smashing the place up calling it a illegal betting place and all of us are out of a job a bunch of thugs some of us not even graduating elementary school out of jobs all we know how to do is to fight .Cue Bane getting us all together and hiring us for his fight club with legal protection from that prick Supes . He’s a nice guy as long as you don’t betray him hell he taught me a couple of grappling moves to help my chances in my next fight .

>>31100499
The goddamn Batman came along, and all the other costumed crazies did the rest.

Falcone's done a pretty impressive job staying afloat in this damned city.

>>31100499
The fucking Bat happened. Those guys aren't crazy so they disappeared, or Gordon arrested them, and these loonys are all that's left.

>>31100499
i heard stories man. Man, must have been weird being so chummy with cops back then. Wish I was doing this shit when Loeb was commissioner

>>31100575
Hey, if someone (not saying it'd be us) would get rid of the Batman, would all the crazy bosses leave too?

>>31100106

Motherfucker, how does that even work.

>>31100409
well, i can't really vverify my location cus of the proxy i'm using saying i'm in osaka right now but...the office is in the midwest region of the united states so...dunno.

turns out the red alert was just a mistake. some idiot in the monitoring department got edgy cus he thought he saw a shadow move outside and hit the button without checking thermals first.

it's understandable, we're basically hooked up to meth machines to stawy alert during out 48 hours shifts.

>>31100499
They still do, back behind the scenes.

>>31100455
Seriously, fuck the Penguin. Last time I worked for that midget bastard he had us capture Solomon Grundy for him. I still don't know how the fuck the 4 of us managed to do it, well the 4 of us that survived out of the 7 sent after him.

>>31100553
I've worked for Freeze for a few. He does go on about Nora a lot but he's pretty reasonable. You just got remember to address her as a person and not as an object or a hatrack. Buddy of mine put his hat on top of her for a minute and Freeze caught him. He froze the poor guy to the ceiling and made us all leave him with his wife.

>>31100646
Bullshit. Solomon grundy isn't real, and even if he is, he must have died years ago. guy's gotta be like 150 atleast.

>>31100616
I somehow doubt it.

Hell, CAN you even get rid of the Bat? He's always got all those kids running around, I bet they just take over when the big man bites it.

>>31100610
Fuck Gordon, he just fires up the bat signal and Bam! a broken ankle and two shattered ribs. Can't even sue for brutality.

>>31100616
Fuck no man The Joker would probaly go even more psycho the only reason he hasn't burned the world down is that the Batman is apperantly fun to fight against . And can you imagine what the Scarecrow would do to a fucker like Supes .The Batmans too hardcore to break from that shit but the Superdick would probaly go batshit in seconds

>>31100616
More likely they'd burn the whole damn city to the ground.

>>31100688
>The
>Singular
As if. the batman is a society. You honestly think one man can do all that?

>>31100638
Gotham PD just raided strip club beneath me. The 'Grin and Bare It.'
They took out some half-naked fat Italian guy.

>>31100506
That's why I only work for him on the Holidays that don't have any sort of emotional connection. Like I'll do St. Paddy's Day or Flag Day, but I get the fuck out of Gotham come Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Valentines Day.

>>31100499
Blame the Batman and Gordon. After Bats cleared out all the old bosses the other freaks in costume moved right in to fill a vacuum.

Gotham became a Playground for the eccentric.

Psychos like Bats beget more Psychos like the Joker.

Shit I remember working for Falcone one night. Nothing big nor fancy. At the docks move crates from Ship A to Ship B. 3 Hours 30,000$. Fuck me best night of my life.

The Old Gotham bosses with Class and Substance are dead. Everyone is an egotistical freak.

>>31099771
Look my uncle was a money man/contractor for the freaks before he got whacked (I imagine Black Mask at the time wanted to cut out the middle man), he arranged all sorts of ledger tricks and figured out what was the best jobs were for who. There's actually an average wage for most henches (I forget the number though.)
Here's how it generally went:
Two-Face's pay depends. Sometimes he payed half the rate, sometimes double it. Figures
Riddler payed by the riddle. Kinda retarded, but the pay was good depending on the job. Almost no on-the-job fatalities, can respect a guy that doesn't kill his workers on a whim. Kind of a dick though. Bring a book of riddles and that'll keep him happy.
Mad Hatter pays weird, half the time in great money, part of the time with weird Lewis Carrol gags (once payed a guy in oysters and carpenter tools) and part of the time he just mind controls guys.
Croc (when he was mostly human) payed pretty good. Then he started eating people and his pay record got spotty. Depends on how his body's doing, fucker goes from crocodile, to crocodile-man, to guy with a bad skin condition like three/four times a year. Uncle had a chart that got lost, pity.
Black Mask pays great, but you have to play the part he makes you and sometimes the things do get dangerous. Lotta wetwork. Ruthless when it comes to skimming money on the side.
Penguin pays amazing rates, but if you cross him he makes your financial life a fucking wasteland. That asshole's like Great White Shark, looks good in a suit, but can run numbers like an evil motherfucker.
(cont.)

>>31100664
At least Freeze pays good. Every job with that guy is stealing some hefty hunk of ice or some nice diamonds. Word is, he keeps his fair share of the loot for his experiments, but then throws you a diamond or jewel for your pay.

>>31100616
Depends. The Joker would be gone, probably the Riddler too, but actually focused psychos like Bane and the Penguin? Naw, they just wouldn't have anyone to hold them back anymore.

The Joker though, bet he'd want to go out with a bang. If the Bat ever drops dead, I'm getting out of Gotham for awhile, don't even care if I have to walk.

>>31100686
He's a freakin' zombie!

...and what, you don't think that's possible? In a city where a flying alien in a circus suit visits every other week?

Shit, reminds me of the time I was working for Riddler, setting up this super elaborate death trap, and I actually had the whole thing right too... and outta fuckin' nowhere, SUPERMAN shows up and fucks up everything before we can even blink. It ain't even fair!

>>31100638
Wouldn't happen to be Hub City by any chance, would it? If you suddenly hear someone whistling pop songs, you might want to watch out.

>>31100758
oh okay. yeah, no. we don't have a branch in gotham....YET. we tried a few years back but apparently there's ALOT of red tape getting a business license in gotham, especially for a technology/advanced military weapons maufacturing company.

but the fed's keep us rolling in funds atleast. if they only knew man...

>>31100610
>>31100587
>>31100575
>>31100550

This is what I'm saying, Matches Malone is a pretty down to earth guy, and the only thing you can pretty much gripe about is that fact he's from Jersey. He really knows how to treat his boys, and the guy knows how to stay under the radar from the Bat. Hell, he's even got a couple of the Roman's old pigs on his payroll. Seriously, I miss the days of good old fashioned crime. Here's to Malone bringing them back.

>>31100688
What if we framed Batman, for child endangerment or something like that.

Half the kids he runs around with are under-aged, and dressed like that! I'm telling you something is up there.

I say we call for an official investigation and get this guy thrown out on a rail.

>>31100902
you're just wastin your time

Can the cops put us in jail? No! now if the cops can't touch us, how are they going to stop something that gives US trouble?

>>31100817
Hell, get rid of the Bat, chances are we'll get someone that doesn't even bother trying to leave you alive.

Lookit Huntress, if that psycho bitch gets it in her head to use a gun instead of a bow, we're all fucked.

>>31100686
He made it pretty apparent that he was Solomon Grundy and that he was in fact "Born on a Monday". Unless Killer Croc has a new catch phrase and suddenly turned chalk white, then I'm pretty sure that was the Zombie motherfucker I saw kill 3 of us as we tried to contain him.

>>31100813
I usually get paid in cash personally. He's pretty reasonable with the stuff left behind in the hideouts too. One of our hideouts was an old frozen foods distributor. Most of it was still good. Man, I had Salisbury steaks for dinner for like 2 months straight. He also let us fence most of the left behind equipment aside from the largest walk-in freezer I've ever seen in my life.

>>31100846
i'm not too worried about one guy tbh. i'm a noncom mos anyway. they use robots for the fighting duties around here.

i'm more concerned about one of those walkign death machines getting in HERE really seeing as they're designed to shoot anything organic and are charged with enough explosives to level a stadium.

>>31100528
Your buddy dressed up as Fidel Castro in front of fucking Bane .What is he a retard .Santa Prisca is aperantly very chummy with Cuba and Bane well lets say he has some history with that godforsaken island

Have any of you guys ever worked for Ra's al Ghul, I have got to tell you it's the best henching I've ever found. He plays the long game and plans the jobs out meticulously and doesn't throw away henchmen, will take care of any family you have if stuff goes awry and the pay is great. Screw costumed lunatics, immortal super criminals is the way to go, except savage, that guy is fucking loonie.

Anybody else who hences for freeze remember that one time carl brought a cup of hot coffee into the lab that one morning?

>>31101019
It was iced coffee by the end. I don't remember everything, though, how bad was Carl's frostbite?

>>31100996
Trick it to do two jobs for him and then go to work with Talia. Just don't let her inject you with anything.
And watch out for her bratty kid.

>>31100996
See, here's why I know you're full of shit.
Ra's only hires fucking ninjas and spec ops trained motherfuckers. If you were one of them, you'd wouldn't be wasting time on the goddamn internet.

>>31100996
Watch out for those ninja bitches his daughter runs around with though .Worked three weeks for him and i made the mistake of asking where i should leave a package for him .I used his full name all polite and all and one of those crazy bitches stabbs me from behind .

>>31101019
I remember when Carl had 10 fingers. So yeah, I remember.

You know what I can't stand? Motherfucking James Gordon. Now, we know the Bat's a psycho, but Gordon's a fucking enabler. In any other burg than Gotham, you know damn well that the Bat would get his ass handed him for shattering both a guy's legs for purse snatching. It makes me fucking sick, the damn hypocrite.

And you know what? His kid's a total freak. No, not the cripple - the set on her - ah, I'm getting distracted. I'm talking about his boy. Gordon Jr. I heard the fucker skinned people alive - some real Zsasz shit. And hell, I heard his daddy just got him out of Arkham. What the fuck, man. What the fuck.

>>31100806
Poison Ivy mind controls people the vast majority of the time. Otherwise she runs a fair (but small) crew. (Women only, prolly personal preference)
Calender Man pays by the day. I mean literally, like 1031 dollars on Halloween. Means shitty pay for the first half of the year though. Watch out for him on holidays. Sometimes he likes to make Joker "jokes."
Mr. Freeze pays in cold hard cash. Guy knows how to keep his trail cold. (I know, fucking ice puns) Usually pays good and gives his henches what they need. Sometimes kills a guy because he's pissed though. Cold-Hearted. Don't remind him of his wife, EVER.
Bane will work you hard, but goddamn he actually pays decent wages. Fucker knows what it's like to live a hard life, personally I can respect that.

(I got one or two more give me a sec)

>>31101096
Spec Ops marines , rangers , if you know how to act like a fucking proffesional he'll hire you .

>>31101076
took his entire foot. had to amputate at the ankle. I hear they grafted skin from his ass onto his face.

Never heard freeze yell like that before.

So ok something weird I saw.
Work for the Riddler right? well he like to plant us as moles in other gangs, scope locations get a lay of the land and place riddles if need be. Well one time he had me go in wit Great White Shark. THe job was easy enough since the Shark now how to keep low but god damn, he has like a team of functional weirdos on his pay roll. A guy who super good cracking safes but only works with his left hand, a numbers guys who insists on counting in Latin and shit like that. Either the Shark has some weird ass system worked out or hes crazy as the rest of em.

Any of you guys have a run in with Catwoman? I was filling in for my buddy working for Penguin, because the Bat broke his jaw the week before. I figured since he was just there, my chances of running into him are slim, so I took the job.

Anyway, I'm standing guard on a side door, go to light up a smoke and next thing I know, I'm flat on my back with my head between her thighs. She choked me out with her freaking THIGHS, and I swear she gave me a kiss right before I blacked out. Woke up 2 hours later and still had a hard on. I'm thinking of getting a legit job as a security guard in a museum or something just so I can run into her again.

>>31100274
Just wanted to pipe in to say, last years christmas ski trip with Dr. Freeze?

BEST EVER

>>31101098
heh. you wanna talk about ninjas!

I was at basic training for my employer~just like military boot camp but with live ammo and more shots~and we had this biker gang showing us how to dismantle military vehicles by hitting the structural pressure points on em when this flashy motherfucker in a white ninja suit comes hopping out of nowhere and fucking dismantles a tank wih some fancy kung fu shit.

it was crazy! i mean! a whole tank!

>>31100947
Oh, shit. That reminds me...

One time, years ago, me and some crew working for Falcone (man I feel old) were out to make some deliveries and shakedown a few places on the way... then outta nowhere, we start gettin' blown away by military-grade firepower. I took a glance to the leg and dropped, saved my goddamn life.

Then outta the shadows comes... some guy looks like a Nam vet or something, covered in black armour and guns, with a giant fuckoff SKULL on his chest. I'm pretty damn sure he'd have finished me off if the Bat hadn't swooped in and started beating the crap outta him.

Still don't know what the fuck.

>>31101190

Hot damn, man. Same thing happened to me. The bitch smells like sex.

>>31101096
I'm not a ninja or spec ops, the ninjas he has a number of families who owe fealty to him and he recruits from PMC's and the like for spec ops. He does however still need techies, informants, demolitions experts, engineers, scientists. I'm of the techie sort, did well in some jobs with Penguin and the like and one night I got offered a job and I took it.

>>31101119
I once saw that kid at the Stacked Deck talking with Joker. Yeah, that's right. Talking. With Joker. Like they were old frat buddies or something. I don't know what kind of story Jim Jr. was telling the clown, I don't even want to know, but Joker was laughing his ass off. I mean, more than usual. That kid ain't right, I tell you what.

>>31100996
Nah, fuck Ra's. Those Lazarus Pit sessions were the worst. It's all "rejuvenation" and "life-bringing", right? Bullshit. You ever see the runaway made from the leftover crap he doesn't use when making the pit? I went to my doctor the other week, guess what he tells me?
Fucking cancer. Probably from handling all the waste. You think Ra's will cover my expenses?

>>31101173
Remind Freeze about his condition (wife and all) and he'll kill a guy. Was working for him once, two guys were talking about how one of them had a cold. One of the idiots recommended his wife's hot chicken soup. Dumb fuckers were asking to be turned to meat popsicles.

Black Glove.
Some say he's the devil, but this devil pays.
Guy has more cash than Wayne, you get tons of info that you can later trade to the authorities for immunity.

He's the one boss who can protect you from Batman.

>>31101161
Matches Malone: Top notch pay and great work. Expect team-ups with other gangs though. That guy's a team player. He'll punch out a guy for wrecking the plan, but he'll never shoot you dead.
Joker though...Joker's special. That fucker kills people like they don't even matter. Last year his crew cost was something like 2500 dollars. Oh, did I mention what that money was for? It wasn't wages, it was the cost for brand name dog chow (Harley was around during the time with her fucking hyena's.)

>>31101246

I remember that. My cousin Eddie died a fire, stuck between that freak and the Bat when he was all heavy metal.

It was a weird time, man. It was around when Superman died.

>>31101271
>Talking about your wife in front of freeze
Why don't you teabahg a beartrap while you're at it?

>>31101096
He likes informants, especially Gotham based ones.
Has us keep tabs on Gothcorp, Ace, Dagget, and especially Wayne.
>>31101090
You know, I haven't seen her kid around in ages... Kinda weird.

>>31101268
You know there's something wrong with a guy when the Joker has a good time with him and doesn't stab him in the gut

GUY'S I AM CURRENTLY BARRICADED IN THIS SHITTY HOTEL ROOM IN THE BOWERY. I AM CURRENTLY PINNED DOWN BY A SNIPER WHO I BELIEVE TO BE IS DEADSHOT AND I NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP ME. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW HE IS DOING THIS, THERE ISN'T A HIGHER VANTAGE POINT FOR MILES AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE HELL HE'S AFTER ME.

>>31101271
Rule number 1 with Freeze is treat Nora with the utmost respect. If he ever, ever asks you if she's beautiful, just say yes. Don't ever get smart, don't ever call her a dame, and don't ever act like she's in that state because of Freeze. Follow through with that and Freeze is the best boss in the world.

>>31101321
Now that you mention it, I haven't seen her kid for like a year.

>>31101271
Thats why whenever i work for freeze i get rid of my braclet and all my pics fuck i ditch my wallet in a trashcan .For 17 hours a day I have no wife fuck the guy thinks i'm gay .

>>31101290
Well, he definately has more cash than Wayne now. Did you hear about Bruce getting bailed out again? His business is going down the shitter with those huge expenses for "coffee carts and rec rooms" and the government just throws more money at him! Fucking corrupt I tell you.

>>31101353
My suggestion is type any last words you want Gotham to remember you by.

fuck this thread is so awesome im high just like this is amazingly awesome dc universe cross over with reality...way better then a cross over with marvel lol

you know, a lot of you complain about Batman but there are worse ways to go... just like Big Bob
One second we were patrolling the rooftop of this warehouse and the next, I'm on my ass, I hear Big Bob screaming and when I look up, fucking MAN-BAT snatched him up and was taking him god knows where. Couldn't do shit but hear Big Bob scream until he faded in the distance...

>>31101360
It doesn't hurt to mention she's lucky to have such a devoted husband, for good measure.

i hear that d-bag captian cold is coming to gothan agan next month.

Lemme just say this, He knows where he got that outfit and it sure as hell wasn't from the men's section.

>>31101406
Damnit man I want some of that shit. You work for Poison Ivy, right? Is she over doing... you know... stuff with Harley today?

>>31101186
You hear about the Great White Shark? He was just another Wall Street asshole who got his fingers caught in the till... so he made an insanity plea- bullshit, but he musta not known half of what he was in for- and ended up in Arkham.

Damned if I know what happened, besides a couple random freaks getting killed, but he comes out a bald blue skinned Voldemort style freak and starts employing the craziest fucks he can find.

I swear, Arkham is... like, the complete fucking opposite of everythin' it's meant to. At least Blackgate is just a prison.

Anyone else get a chance to work in metropolis for when superman dissapeared for a year? Shit was so cash. Booster gold only stopped big flashy crap and would pay you good money to start it. He wouldn't even send you to jail. Then that faggot supernova showed up, and Booster died. Came back to Gotham after that.

>>31099503
If you ever encounter the Bat and don't want to risk getting your ass kicked in a fight with him, just tell him you work for Riddler and he'll beat the shit out of everyone else first. I mean, he'll still knock you out in the end (whether you actually provide him with info or not. Guy's a dick), but it's probably better than the alternative. That's why I always ask for a gun. I told Penguin, "Boss, I don't this lead pipe's gonna take him down," and he threw an m16 at me. He's got a SHIT-TON of 'em!

>>31101353
Well, you're fucked, amigo. I heard Deadshot does wetwork for the government now. You must've pissed off the wrong asshole.

>>31101349
Christ, now that you mention it, Gordon's kid and the Joker are WICKED chummy.

>>31101453
Bad idea, bro. Smoking ANYTHING you get from Ivy is going to have some pretty nasty side effects.

>>31101406
What on earth are you talking about?

>>31101453
>>31101492
now i'm trying to imagine if freeze and ivy teamed up.

wow that would end badly. For everyone.

Still hot though

>>31101492
I lost my dick in an industrial accident working the docks for the Joker. Yeah, don't ask. Lets just say it involved some kind of Hens Night for Harley when she thought the Joker was going to marry her. Who cares what happens to me now, I just want to get high.

>>31101441
Devotion is an understatement. You remember last year when he made us throw Nora a birthday party? Most awkward party I've ever been to.

>>31101402
WELL I GUESS IT'S MORE OF A QUESTION. WHAT THE FUCK IS TASK FORCE X? AND WHY IS IT'S LOGO ALL OVER THIS CASE THAT I NABBED FROM THIS UNREGISTERED FREIGHTER IN THE HARBOR A COUPLE WEEKS BACK. I'VE FIGURED IT WAS JUST SOME MILITARY HARDWARE OR SOME SHIT, BUT I CAN'T GET THE CASE OPEN AND THE GUY I WAS TALKING TO ABOUT IT DISAPPEARED A FEW WEEKS BACK.

>>31101555
Awkward yeah, but that was easily the best ice cream cake I've ever had.

>>31101268
>>31101349
You think that's creepy? Now, this is just something I heard, didn't see it, but someone told me that the Gordon kid met Zsasz once. Now, usually nobody who meets Zsasz walks away, but I heard that when they saw each other, they just stared, gave each other this knowing look, like they understood each other or something, then just went their separate ways. Anyone else hear that story? Sounds out there, I know, but in this town any story that crazy has to be true, right?

>>31101460
My best friend used to work there, he could swear that the walls of the place were trying to eat you. Sometimes he swore that he could hear dead people talk. Got out the second he could.
Never go to Arkham, never go near Arkham. Ever. There's something wrong with the place, just something wrong. Like if cancer was a place you could visit.

>>31101555
You think her birthday party was awkward try their anniversery . Romantic dinner for two cooked by some chef me and my bruisers picked up from the street . He just sat there eating talking to her about all the progress he was making . Fucking saddest and scariest thing i have ever seen

>>31101252
You too huh? Damn I thought I was special.... Hey do you suppose she needs henches? I'm allergic to cats, but I'd do anything to get a look at that ass again. I'd even work "probono" if ya know what I mean.

>>31101360
What about ice puns? Like would Freeze be offended if somebody said his wife's a stone-cold fox?

>>31101586
Hold the case up. He'll probably shoot it out of your hands or some shit, maybe even shoot your hand, but that's preferable to dying.

>>31101607
Wouldn't surprise me if Gordon Jr. became the next Joker. That guy would scare the Scarecrow.

>>31101586
Throw the case out the window THROW THE GODAMN CASE OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW YOU IDIOT .

>>31101550
Yeah, well, let's just say Ivy's stuff might make your ...problem irrelevant, 'cause you'll just grow some new equipment. But not necessarily the kind you were born with. Bottom line, Ivy doesn't like men.

>>31101659
Yeah, say that, call her a stone cold fox, I'm sure he'll love it and certainly won't freeze your testicles off or anything like that.

>>31101659
He would probably be offended, he is the one who makes ice puns, it might turn out ok but DON'T FUCKING RISK IT. That is like hitting a sleeping bear with a 2x4.

>>31101659
What part of respect don't you understand? A simple yes, she's beautiful is all you need. Save the puns for the birthday cards. He finds those humorous.
>>31101626
Yeah, their anniversary is pretty bad if you work it. He gives most of us the night off though.

>>31101537
>>31101453
>>31101406

Ivy only works with fucking junkies. Have you seen the assholes that do her dirty work? They're fucking pudding. Then again, I hear she can get you high by just - I don't fucking know - spraying some narcotic plant extract shit into the air.

Hell, I even heard she dosed the Bat with so much weed, the asshole couldn't even stand up straight. Wish I was there for that, must've been hilarious.

>>31101610
>>31101460
>>31101460
Yeah...
Best thing to say in a Gotham court?
"I did it for the cash"
Youll get a dirty look and some time in the safest place in Gotham

>>31101673
>>31101687
OKAY I'M GOING TO TAKE THE CASE AND............;P.............P]P[P][';.[P,;.'
OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUIP999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999PPP---[]]]]]''P[;'[

>>31101760
I think we lost the other one guys.

>>31101807
Oh for fuck's sake, he didn't deserve to die.

I've been passed around so many criminals that Batman actually recognizes me and talks to me on a first name basis now whenever he sees me.

Riddler? Guy fired me after misspelling "Decadence"
Two-Face? I was the only one of my crew who got heads, got knee-capped.
Joker? Fuck, he fired me out of A GODDAMN CANNON into the fucking ocean! 13 broken bones, and 2 years of physical therapy. Back still hurts when it rains.
Penguin's an asshole, I actually quit working for him and he killed my girlfriend. Shit sucked, she had a nice ass.
Anyway, working for Freeze now and he's fucking awesome. You know that we have a fucking dental plan? That's fucking awesome. He even takes time to tell us how to work some of the machinery. I've heard from some of the other henchmen that he actually sent them to school for mechanical engineering and chemistry. Can you imagine that shit? It was actually hilarious, the other day the Bat drops in on me and he's all "What's Freeze planning Jonathon?!?" And I could honestly say "Nothing, guy's actually sending some of us to school." I just wish he'd actually you know hang out with us, he's a little distant and won't even get a brew with you when you ask him. I guess it's his suit but the guy just likes being miserable I guess.

>>31101807
Fucker's asking for it if he honestly carries around something that looks like legit hardware that he can't open. What dumb fucker actually does something like that. Loose the case, never actually carry hardware. It could be a fucking bomb or something.

>>31101760
Rest in peace you stupid fuck

>>31101453
Wait! You mean Ivy... and Harley... I thought that was just a crummy joke! Does Catwoman, you know?

>>31101849
That sounds great and all, but how do you put up with the puns?

>>31101758
Best way to get into Arkham: Insist there's nothing wrong with you. They never used to throw Nygma into Arkham until his ego bullshit got out of control.

>>31101874
Probably not, but you can dream. We can all dream.

>>31101849
The Batman knows your first name . Fuck the only thing i heard of worse then that is that unlucky fuck who ended up playing strip poker with the Batgirl

>>31101319
Oooo!!! I've just found the perfect punishment for that loon that tried to hit in Harley

>>31101889

Well when I worked with Joker I actually made him laugh with bad-puns all the time. I guess you can say I'm a pun-k.

>>31101874
Not as far as I know with them and Catwoman, just friends AFAIK, and yes Harley and Ivy have something between them. Hearley cycles between loving the Joker and realizing that he is horrible for her and leave him temporarily. When she's not with the Joker she tends to shack up with Poison Ivy.

>>31101849
Look on the bright side, at least Joker didn't use you in his knife-throwing act.

>But then I hear glass breaking,
And that music starts playing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzKtfX_mLhs

You guys ever see the Bat in action? I mean, aside from him coming out of nowhere and breaking your ribs. I was watching him take on a group of at least ten guys, and at least 4 of them had fucking baseball bats and one of them had a knife. Not like bats cared. Kicked their asses like it was nothing. Guy tried to whack him in the back of the head with a bat and it was like Bats knew he was there. Kicks all of their asses, zips up and into the fog like it was fuckin' nothing. I don't even know why he fought em' in the first place.

>>31101607
>>31101675

Fucking A, man. That scares the shit out of me. Did a gig for Freeze a couple of winters back, and got separated from the boys in a back alley after the Bat scattered us. I'm heading back into the hideout in the worst snow of the decade, and I fucking run into Victor fucking Zsasz.

Just imagine that, man. This psychotic gaunt ass motherfucker is just covered head to toe in blood and nothing else in a middle of a fucking snow storm, and he's just giggling. He eyes me with the worst kind of the smile on his face, and before you know, I'm running for my life as the freak just bounces along like some sorta... monster in the snow, trailing blood and just cackling.

I just keep running and running, and I swear, the freak got close enough to slash up my parka. I lost him, but a trail of down from my coat leading to the hide-out freaked me out. Might've been safe enough in a locked down walk-in freezer, but Zsasz is like the fucking boogeyman. He didn't end up following me though, he apparently got distracted by a couple of homeless kids.

I saw in the news that he turned them inside out.

>>31101934
another quip like that and someone will sick the PUNisher on you.

>>31101889
The puns ain't so bad. Like >>31101849 said, he treats us henches right as long as we don't do anything stupid. Hell, he gave me a spare lab kit for my son when he overheard a few of us talking about our kids and I was talking about how my kid was working hard on his science fair project.

>>31101932
CHEESE IT GUYS THEY'RE ON TO US!

>>31101925

Honestly it's not that bad. Only thing that really fucking sucks is the asshole must've seen my medical history, you know how he "integrates" people. Just got out of therapy for a broken foot and the fucker was leaning on the EXACT FUCKING SPOT where it broke. Unless he has X-ray vision he's a fucking stalker.

>>31101896
Like I said
"I did it for the cash"
>>31101925
>>31101849
HA
You nick name wouldn't be Razor would it?

>>31101974
Have you ever seen him actually seen him get hit .Big guy maybe 300 pounds takes a swing at his back with a bat . The Bats response? straighten up and give him a what are you an idiot look and procceds to bitch slap him

Hey guys...

You ever notice Bruce Wayne and Batman aint never around at the same time? I just told Bane and all he did was ignore me and leave REALLY FUCKING quick.

>>31102031

Holy fuck I haven't heard that name in a long time! What's one of the Ol' Clowns doing on 4chan and who are you?

You gentleman know nothing of humiliation on halloween night...

Every single year The master comes home in a ruined, ruined! 50000000 suit...not that i've ever been payed....

And the stray little orphan's he picks up off the street.

They always get kidnaped! Or beaten to death with a crowbar, or crippled...yuk.

He dresses up in a batsuit. The mans 50 years old! A batsuit...lined with tens of thousands of dollars worth of equipment....
And playes all night with the worst criminal scumb to grace this fine city...
I tell you gentleman, the worst man to work for on halloween, is the Batman!

>>31101990
Joker lurks/trolls boards like this all the time. All the other bosses have better things to do. It's only a real problem if you work for him.

>>31101978
I read that he made one of the homeless kids kill the other.
Fuck, Gordon Jr's like the worst possible combination of the Joker, Zsasz, and the penguin. I really can't wait to retire. Each generation's worst than the last. The new one's are just... disturbing.

HEY GUYS! I just hit the motherload. Some dumbass threw a suitcase full of cash and next-gen Task Force-X devices out the window.

I'm keeping the money, but I want to sell the tech. Anyone know which boss pays the most for this stuff?

>>31101978
you think that's freaky? Me and a couple of the guys went to pick up some equipment for Freeze and as we're pulling the truck out of the loading bay, we see like 20 of the wackjob Professor Pyg's dolls. Those things are creepy. Are they even still considered alive?

>>31102081
Oh, heh, well it's nice to not have to worry about that then.

>>31102081
Don't remind me. Remember that one time he trolled us

>>31102106
Go for it, I dare You.

>>31102106
Put the case down slowly dude. Put your hands on your head, and walk away.

>>31102106
You know what, you should try to put some of the tech on. It might look good on you.

>2011
>Not working for the League of Shadows

silly boys

So, Two-Face's coin is rigged somehow, right? I've heard stories, and its like whenever he really wants to kill somebody, you know it's gonna land on the bad side.

>>31102031
Don't know who this Razor guy is but the guy who ended up playing strip poker with the Batgirl was some italian fucker old school families used a baseball bat and sawed off shotgun .I was right there when it happend leg broken but consious if anyones interested

>>31102104

And the sickest part? The Bat's starting to have a smile on his face these days. We gotta get out of Gotham before it turns into a literal hell hole.

>>31101874 that unlucky fuck who ended up playing strip poker with the Batgirl

What happened to him? And which Batgirl was it. The redhead, the one with the leather fetish, or the one who wears all the purple?

>>31102065

>implying working for Bane is even worth the hassle.

At least go work for someone who stands a chance against Batbrain.

>>31102169
That antidote he made for scarecrow's shit? I heard it, "changes" you.

>>31101932
Well, shit. Big Man Clown's in on the fun, guys.

Freelancer here, can we expect to have any Joker Funtime soon?

>>31102144
This makes sense...

>>31102146
But this could get me laid...

Choices.

You know who really sucks?
Music Meister. My throat gets wicked soar and I have to sing all fucking day. Also , don't bet on this but I'm pretty sure he might be gay.

>>31102150

I was raised Catholic, I've had to deal enough with the crazy-guilt cult bullshit thank you very much.

>>31102111
That man is horrifying I had to give him a delivery (courtesy of Mr. Joker himself) and he was straight up fucking one of those dolls. Didn't even stop when he saw me. Gentlemen, I have seen things that I should have not.

>>31102104
I know this guy who took a few sociology classes before dropping out of college. Says he thinks that in the future there will be whole street gangs that dress up like the Joker just because the force of his personality is so strong it will linger well after he dies. That, and advanced cybertechnology will eventually create a whole new breed of half-machine supercriminals. When he told me that second one, I just laughed and said we have that now. Seriously, anyone ever seen that Gearhead guy? Like an evil version of the Six Million Dollar Man, or something.

>>31102150

How's the health insurance over there? Two-Faces plan is kinda bad...

>>31102163
The scratch in it makes that side lighter, Good side is heavier, basic physics

>>31102208
>>31102208
you can use it against the bat. Why don't you try that?

You know who I can't stand. Fucking Deadshot. He doesn't use henches for one thing. Then another he can't hit the fucking bat. I've seen him take out like 5 guys, headshots perfect dead center shots, while jumping down from a building an then the bat shows up and he goes cold, can't even put one in his leg. At least put him out of comission for a while man. And aparently he killed one of our guys here. No respect.

>>31102179
The dressed like a gimp . They were both down to repectivly her mask and his boxers .He pulls out a full house and she flips the table into his face funniest thing i ever seen knocking him out cold .Well right up until she realised i was still awake and smashed my head in . Last i heard he got chased out of town by the Batman and all his family f

>>31102163

I've seen him re-flip it when it comes up Good side and he's really pissed. Also he'll do shit like flip it "For your head" and then "For your heart" so sometimes you just can't win.

Man I'd love to work for the joker or the riddler.
I ate a salad next to poison ivy ONE TIME! and she turned me into a talking plant man.


I mean she sucks my dick but I look like fucking swamp thing and I have to report to the Parliament of Trees.

Fucking beavers biting my legs and shit.
Black Orchid's kind of hot though.

>>31102106
Read a little up, bro.

The guy who threw the case? Bam, Deadshot.

Drop that fucking case and run away before he notices. With any luck he'll consider you another curious hobo.

Working. for. Poison. Ivy. is. great. we. get. wonderful. days. to. frollick. in. the. flowers. and. to. admire. mother. nature. and. all. of. it's. splendor. You. guys. should. totally. come. work. for. Poison. Ivy.


and. go. green.

>>31102288
It's a trap!

>>31102288
you make a convincing argument

Keep this thread alive guys, ima go answer this payphone that's been ringing for like 4 hours.

>>31102278
I knew a guy once who pissed Two-Face off real bad and he pulled that trick. Thing is, he got good side for both head and heart. Then Two-Face just moved on to the groin. It didn't end well.

>>31102240
Laws of common sense.
HAS ANYONE HERE BEAT BATMAN?
Seriously, anyone?
I go against the Batman, I'm just going to end up with a broken rib and arm.

I'm keeping the money, and sending the tech to Fries as a gift. Maybe then I can get into his kick ass hench-program.

I'm originally from Canada, so low temperature isn't a problem.

>>31102211
Holy Christ that guy is real? I heard some stories once, but I thought it was just Joker spreading bullshit stories around.

You guys know who I used to work for? Killer Moth.

What an experience that was. Loser sets himself up as some rich billionaire who acts like he's gonna be the opposite of Batman and help out us criminals. Except he turns out to be a loser.

He wasn't even who he said he was, either. No "Cameron van Cleer" ever existed. Some idiot named Drury Walker. He turns into a huge laughing stock, and then he sells his soul to the devil and becomes a mutant bug or something.

Then that Superboy who killed everybody tears him in fucking half.

I hear there's a new guy calling himself Killer Moth now, though. Who the hell would want to follow in that idiot's footsteps?

>>31102081
Guys apperantly is a full flegded fa/tg/uy .

>>31102323
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

>Poison Ivy drones

I'm gonna tell you guys a story about that Plant-bitch, now I ain't a gossip but it's all second hand from a friend who used to work for her.

Basically she's fucking heroin. Everyone who's worked with her changes. If they manage to leave they always talk about going back, like they're missing out on the greatest shit ever. They're just goddamn junkies, and if you've ever worked with junkies you know there is only one of two things to do to them - put them out of their misery or put them on the front-line so they go down quick.

>>31102325

I've actually seen him shoot a guy in the face. The coin only came out to figure out whether we'd have to bury the body or let it rot.

Two-Face is not a happy guy.

I think I might've been in that Green Bitch's control yesterday. I woke up covered in some clear, grass smelling shit and some nasty pricks on my skin.

I just left to get my gal some flowers, and then I just woke up with scratch marks and bruises all over the place. Now Liz thinks I'm cheating on her... Gotham Women, amirite fella's?

>>31102360
Hundred percent real. Writes his own music too. In fact like ninety percent of our work load is helping him come up with lyrics.
He's also got this weird obsession with black canary for some reason.

>>31102343
>HAS ANYONE HERE BEAT BATMAN?

you guys ever hear of sid the squid?
dude's a fucking legend.

>>31102343

A guy named Sidney Debris did it once. Nearly killed him too.

Man's a LEGEND at Blackgate prison.

>>31102374

What's the big deal? It was just some prank caller saying some shit about salvation and laughing.

>>31102386
Accidentally called him coin-face once. He started taking loose change, putting it between his fingers, and wailed on me, using cash like a brass knuckle.
"Who's coin face now?!" he said.

I know eat through a straw.

mcfw

>>31102343

I shot him once. I was more surprised than he was. Broke my hand in six different places.

>>31102261
>The one who dresses like a gimp . They were both down to respectively her mask and his boxers .He pulls out a full house and she flips the table into his face knocking him out cold funniest thing I ever seen .Well right up until she realized I was still awake and smashed my head in . Last I heard he got chased out of town by the Batman and all his family
Typing on a piece of shit windows 94 in the Narrows keys get stuck on ocasion

So, My girlfriend has the bright idea to dressup as Harley Quinn for halloween, I can't tell her why I know just how bad an idea this is, she found out any way, then Joker made me throw a pie in her face, just a plain old non-leathal pie, the night ended with her kicking me in the balls repetedly and dumping my ass, feels bad man.......

>>31102425
I heard Squid killed Batman. If that's true, there might be more of them. Uuugh... that's a though. Sid probably never existed in the first place. If he did, Joker would've burned him alive in a coffin by now.

I don't work for any criminals but I just have to get this off my chest. HAS ANYONE IN GOTHAM NOTICED A GOOD DAMN FLOATING RED RING FOLLOWING THEM AROUND?! I GOT THIS FUCKING GOD DAMN FLOATING RING FLOATING BEHIND ME AND IT WON'T GO AWAY.
WHAT THE FUCK!? FUCK YOU RING! WHICH FUCKING VILLAIN DID THIS?! I HOPE BATMAN RIPS THERE FUCKING HEAD OFF. STUPID ASS MOTHER FUCKER. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING OUT OF THIS?! NOTHING! YOU'RE JUST PISSING ME OFF. FUCK YOU RED RING MAN! YOU FUCKING SUCK. I HOPE YOU DIE OF AIDS.

I swear working for Riddler is the fucking tits.

We just watched Batfuck stand around throwing his little boomerangs at switches for like 20 minutes trying to get one of the trophies the boss had us leave behind.

It's like I'm a troll in real life.

>>31102397
Tell me about it.
>Wife finds out I'm working for Freeze
>Leaves me and the brat and find a lesbian lover and moves to Hawaii
>Kid wants nothing to do with his mom since I work for one of his idols
Man, that kid's going to be an evil genius someday.

GUYS GUYS GUYS

THERE'S SOME GUY NAMED HUGO STRANGE WHO SAYS HE'S GONNA REVEAL WHO BATMAN REALLY IS

ALL THE HEAD HONCHOS ARE GOING TO BID ON IT

I once worked for one of those costumed nutjobs. Don't really know who he was though. I don't think he was very famous. Guy paid real well, though, for a simple job (bleaching a couple murder scenes and hiding a body or two). I did get a glimpse of his real face. I know it sounds crazy, but I SWEAR the guy was Bruce Wayne!

>>31102397

She doesn't scratch. You probably just got fucked by Crane.

>>31102343
Update:
I dropped the case in a dumpster behind a strip club that the Green Lantern was found in.

The case has a glowing device with a bat logo on it.
Keeping the money, loosing the tech.
If you're brave enough to take it it's yours.

HOLY CRAP!! Here I am with a couple of friends talking about this one guy I murdered when suddenly the freaking Bat comes flying out of nowhere and dives kick the hell out frank! The other 3 guys took some pipes and tried to fight back but they got their asses handed to them. That's when the bat turned around looked at me. I had no choice but to run. I'm surprised I made it out unharmed.

>>31102261
Wow you saw Fetish-Action Batgirl down to nothing but her mask? I assume it was worth it?

>>31102288
Does Ivy pay well? I mean if she didn't pay in cash I'd take sexual favors, but if she expects me to go head to head with some cape and then tries to pay me with grass or seeds she can go fuck herself.

>>31102343
What are you new or something bro? Everybody in this thread knows the Bat's secret weakness. We just let him break our limbs every now and again so he thinks he bad ass.

>>31102067
Er, well i "officially" run with Riddler but every now and then he has me hook up with some gang. The only reason I know I can Run for so long is that as long as I tell the B-Man that i have some info on the ol' question mark he just socks me in the head and leaves me.
I just happened to be around the Joker when he decided he wanted to make "Razor" a less popular name.
Poor guy is made of iron.
There was this one time though, Riddler had me set up a puzzle in Joker territory one time, and just as i was finishing up I fell and arm around my shoulder and there he is, the Joker hanging off my shoulders. Hes stroking his chin and looking real thoughtful and says "now i may not know art but I know what i like... AND I LIKE THIS" and lets out this big laugh, tells me to head on back to the Riddler and to e-mail he his reaction and hands me a camera phone and a email address.
I get back to the hide out and the Riddler is steaming at his screen and there was a picture of the puzzle, the trophy upside down and the whole this painted bright neon colors with a big sign saying OVER HERE BATMAN and with a solution next to that and Joker was just smiling and waving
Funniest thing all year.

>>31096068
I have a proposal, I say we kill the batman.

>>31102515
What's the point? Every time this happens, Matches Malone shows up and wins the bet.

>>31102547
Fuck off Strange. Everyone knows it's you.

>>31102547
Shut the fuck up, Fred. You say that every goddamn week.

GUYS SERIOUSLY THE JOKER JUST STUFFED A WHOLE BUNCH OF MONEY INTO A SUITCASE AND SAID HE WAS GOING TO A FUCKING AUCTION

THIS SHIT IS REAL GUYS

>>31102482
Yeah, its all fun and games until you get planted in another gang. Then you either get your ass kicked by the bat or strung up by the joker just because you tried to put a question mark in a vent. I didn't stick around riddler's crew too long after I heard about that shit.

>2011
>NOT at the Catwoman Gangrape going down in the Chruch in 20

Goddamn virgins.

>>31102482
Yeah except unlike on the internet the Batman might notice you and he's probaly going to be very pissed.Caught me once broke all the bones in my body and slammed me down on the button and told me not to move .Serisouly that guys worse then Angry Marines

SON OF A FUCKING COCKSUCKING CUNT!
I PUT ON THE FUCKING RING AND I CAN'T STOP PUKING FUCKING BLOOD.WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! DID SOMETHING MEOW?! WAS THAT A FUCKING CAT?! I HATE FUCKING CATS. SON OF A FUCKING BITCH. HOW THE FUCK DID THAT CAT GET IN HERE?! SHIT! FUCK! I'M BLEEDING FROM MY EYES. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT! FUCK FUCK FUCK.

>>31102473
No, see, the Squid *almost* killed Batman, and Joker did try to dump him in acid. Batman saved him, then followed him to Rupert Thorne's hideout and took the big man down. Everyone in Blackgate loves the Squid like a brother, anyone dumb enough to try to mess with the guy ends up in the infirmary for a long while, or worse.

Has anyone here ever worked for Achilles Milo?

I think he might be a furry. Last time I saw him he was hanging around with some guy in a wolf fursuit.

I just got my ass kicked by cat women. Is it strange that i'm turned on from getting my ass kicked by her?

>>31102597
>2011
>Falling for the "Catwoman" READ: Joker, mass slaughter bullshit.
FTFY

Guys, you're not gonna believe this. I just got done doing a gig for Freeze, and he's paying us, right? Well, one guy...this guy smiles, thanks the boss for his payment, then GIVES it back to him. The room goes silent, everyone's staring at this guy. And then he tells the boss to keep it, as extra funds for curing his wife, and to consider his services as some kinda volunteer/ charity shit. Everyone is staring, jaw dropped, expecting the guy to be flash frozen. Freeze justs pats the guy on his shoulder, THANKS him, and dismisses him! With a smile! Not a big one, but holy hell. As he's leaving, we're all starting to applaud and cheer for the guy. Now there's a mook with a heart of fucking platnium.

>>31102417 He's also got this weird obsession with black canary for some reason.

Well yeah... Have you seen the body on that chick (ha more puns)? I've been smothered by Catwoman's thighs, but I'd tell her to go fuck herself if I could get 30 seconds alone with the Canary.

>>31102545

Yeah that was probably about me. I fucking worked for him for three-years and he shot me out of a fucking cannon. You know, if it had been about someone else it'd probably have been pretty funny - I laughed my ass off when he buried the guy alive in human shit for saying it was a "crappy job" but getting fired out of a cannon really sucks.

GUYS! GUYS!
Holy crap guys. So I'm just getting home from a long nights work, or of nowhere, a masked guy dressed in black and light blue throws a billy club at me!

It hits me, then the asshole drop kicks me and starts wailing. Guy is so into it that he doesn't see my partner come out of a door and wack him in the back of the head with his own dropped club.

We dragged him to my partner's grandmothers place and tied him to the bed. The dude is breathing, but damn, it doesn't look good.

Not a killer or anything, need suggestions on how to fix this.

>>31102701
See >>31101190
>>31101252

Welcome to the club bro.

>>31102701
It'd be stranger if you weren't, bro.

>>31102704

You do know that we used to routinely beat off on Freeze's old ladys icecube and let it freeze to her face, right?

>>31102704
Wow, almost restores your faith in humanity. Whereas the bats just spends god knows how much on bullshit crimefighting weapons when he could be spending it on improving schools or making jobs.

What a fucking hypocrite.

>>31102704
Fuck, did anyone record it? I'm out here on the docks getting some equipment for the boss and it sounds like I just missed something amazing.

>>31102707
>I've been smothered by Catwoman's thighs
Lucky Bastard

you fuckers are lucky as hell, you guys weren't in when that asshole superman AND batman teamed up.

I was working with lex, now the stupid bastard thought it was a good idea to work with the joker of all people. i mean why in the hell would you do that, fuckers crazier then anything i've ever seen, completely off his rocker. anyways those two were actually working to get rid of bats AND supes together. i saw my friends all around me killed by recoil from jokers atomic pies and lex's machines working improperly because joker is a two timeing bastard.

Then everyone proceeded to get their ass handed to them by superman and batman. i still have a long scar up the side of my arm when superman threw me into a pit and my arm got impaled on a spike.

>>31102701
That's the standard reaction.

Catwoman's just like that. Wish she could at least stop to taste the cream before going all scratchy.

>>31102742
Now I know you're full of shit, your stupid dick would fall off in that room. Shut the fuck up.

You know who really sucks?
Scarecrow. I mean the job is okkay and he likes and giving advise but this one time...he put his hand in my lap and rubbed my thigh.


I mean...Seriously what the fuck ,bro? That's just weird. He asked me what my greatest fear wastoo.


I'm really thinking about quitting , man. That's just too weird for me , man.

I remember once I screwed up a job for Joker, and I thought I was going to die in some gallows humor fashion. Instead, he just made me put on a yellow jumpsuit and a red pyramid hat and sing Devo songs for him and Harley during their anniversary dinner. It went on for hours. I could barely talk for two days after, but at least I'm still alive to tell the story, right?

GODDAMN working for Bane is so fucking BORING. Why did I have to saddle up with the only competent crook in Gotham?

>>31102597
>the Church
>as in the building that got taken over by a man who thinks it's funny to lure people into death traps
Yeah, no.

>>31102723
Never mind, after I sent the last message, he's seems to have disappeared. Along with my partner.
I'll be laying low for a bit.

Should we make a new thread?

I JUST GOT TACKLED AND WEDGIED BY A YELLOW MOTHERFUCKER IN A GREEN SPEEDO AND A FEATHER BOA

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY?!

>>31102742
Speak for yourself. I've treated Nora with respect my whole time there. I heard a guy once walked in on Freeze whacking his popsicle to her once. Poor guy had his eyelids frozen shut.

>>31102723
Fucker sounds like one of Bats crew. Take him to the Joker and run like hell .Last time one of his boys died i heard he pulled a a gun out and went psycho on everyone .Yeah the bat with a gun scariest shit i ever heard

>>31102765
He already knew your greatest fear, and that was being found out as a massive faggot. He was just toying with you at that point.

>>31102757

Fuck Lex. Worked for him once and when it came time for payday I was arrested for violating parole. Never got my fucking money from that tight-walleted fuck. He can rot in bald hell for all I care.

>>31102765
Not that this is going to be much comfort, but he was probably just looking for a good injection site. You're probably already doses with fear toxin.

>>31102765
I think its too late, man.
I hate to say it, but you should probably just let him rape you now before he decides to do it while you're gassed.

Any of youse guys ever work for Hush? I'm skeptical because he's pretty new on the scene and the jobs are fucking bizarre, but I hear the pay is spectacular.

>>31102597
Enjoy waking up two hours later with a headache and some broken bones.

>>31102765
>Work for Crow once.
>He offers me his hand for a job well done
>Fear-gas residue on his glove
>Spend the next three hours covered in insects.

I go to therapy every week and they are still fucking everywhere. I have to wash my hands every ten minutes or I'll feel like I'm about to die.

Fuck Scarecrow.

>>31102810
still better then that crazy ass joker. never seen anyone that pissed off.

also bane i agree is a total bro, i may go back to working for him later this year once i can get my shit out of metropolis.

Call me crazy, but I used to work for Gotham delivery and we would constantly get orders for Bat-related products of all sorts from Bruce Wayne.

Now maybe, just maybe I think there is more than meets the eye. I know he's a rich billionaire but I think Bruce Wayne might really be A Zoologist

Alright. I know this might be because Halloween and all.

But did anyone else see a fucking NINJA hanging around the Museum?

>>31102803
Creeper's back in town? Fuck it I'm out of here.

You know whose really weird?
The people who work for Pyg.
For one , Their faces are weird as shit and have you ever tried talking to one of them? It's like they can't even have sex. It's one thing to not be interested but it's like they can't even do it physically.
It's annoying as shit.

Has anyone ever run into that giant bat?

No. Not Batman.

I swear that there's a giant fucking bat in Gotham. A man bat or something.

Damn thing flew out of the sky and attacked a shipment of fucking fruit once. Fucking. FRUIT. I swear to god.

>>31102893
Nobody voluntarily works for Pyg. And those things things aren't technically human anymore.

>>31102765
looks like someone

has a boyfriend

>>31102865
what are the odds that bruce wayne backs that spandex wearing mother fucker you guys think?

i bet that fucker backs batman because HOW IN THE FUCK DO YOU PAY FOR A GOD DAMN JET THAT COMES OUT OF A HOLOGRAPHIC MOUNTAIN?
SERIOUSLY HOW IN THE FUCK DO YOU DO THAT.

You know I keep wondering why we have these Gotham Happy Hour chats.

If Batman were smart, he'd be able to track threads like this down and use them against us in his sick crusade.

Thank god he's just a crazy broke man who throws bat-shaped weapons at the mentally ill.

>>31102881
Why on earth do you think I've been looking for ideas?

>>31102917
You're talking about Man Bat. A buddy of mine "henches" for him. It's basically him and 3 other guys cleaning bat shit all day from his lair. The pay is a little below Freeze's pay but it's a much more dangerous job.

I'm not for gotham but I have to get this off my chest.

I've been working for this hot viking lady named Serrure and she's really hot and gives great head but Thor keeps refering to her as his brother. I mean that's just kind of weird don't you think?

I try to ignore but I just have this strange feeling something weird is afoot here.

>>31102837
The fuck is Hush?

>>31102805
Horseshit. If the Bat used guns, Gotham would be crime free in a week. Hell we'd have a better chance against the Flash or Superman than the fucking Batman with an automatic.

>>31102917
You mean Man Bat?

>>31102933
Gotham's changing. I mean we have weirdo's and psychos in costumes, but at least it wasn't that bad. I'm a little freaked out.

>>31102976
some asswipe who thinks he can stop the batman, you know like all those newbies who think they know better.

other then that i heard he keeps his shit under wraps at least.

>>31102972

You're telling me that thing has HENCHMEN?!

Does it even talk?! What the fuck.

Silver lemmings in tangerine roses with lots of California icecream.

Beautiful world full of sunshine and posies and long afternoons on an ol' tire swing.

My neck is a hatchet and my head is in the clouds, there's no silver-linings because of those damn lemmings.

A happy dagger is all I'd agree to, if only the Batman would give me his wings.

Oh sweet cigars that taste like flowers, and botanical nonsense with a whisper of dreams.

When I close my eyes all is brillig because of working with a Mad Hatter and the Poison Ivy.

Trying to make sense of these dollars is madness, surely someone can hear the voices in my head scream?

God-fucking-damn let this beaver be braver to lessen the aspirin of vigilance in spring.

My mind was twice broken by a Scarecrow after a luxurious evening with Poison Ivy, the nonsense I went through made me seek employ with the Hatter and the Mercury in the rim on my mind is making me see some very strange things.

>>31103009
Welcome to Gotham.

this thread has received 2 of 4 requests needed to trigger archival.

Guys, I have a weird question. You ever hear strange noises when you're walking down an alley alone? Like the other day I was walking home after my guard shift at Ice Berg and I kept hearing this voice laughing and repeating the word "Bueno."

>>31103022
/thread

>>31103009
yeah it does, i saw it and its one of the freakiest bastards around.

thats saying something because i've seen lex in a REALLY bad mood.

this is me:
>>31102757

I don't know why more people don't mention this, but Maxie Zeus can actually be pretty cool to work for if he's not going through one of his really bad phases. You've got to know a fair bit about Greek mythology, but the man knows how to throw a party. And if you did really well, he might give you an invitation to one of his secret orgies, if you were into that kind of thing.

Anyone ever seen a ghost? I swear one of my henchman was possessed was the other day..
All of sudden he just started kicking our asses and acting like he was some sort of acrobat from the circus.

It was weird.

>>31103009
The pay is usually in stolen goods and sometimes an old guy pays them in cash. My buddy told me it's like being a zookeeper but you get a gun. And nah, Man Bat doesn't talk.

>>31103016
fuck this thread, hatter monitoring it and he wants someones anus.

>>31103046
There are some questions better left unanswered.

>>31102970

Hey I've got an idea, The Human Centipede. With himself. I mean his head's up his own asshole anyway right?

>>31103016

Damn man. That's why you never work for Hatter.

So I'm thinking of packing up from Gotham and heading to New York. I just heard from a buddy that their version of Superman is a 6 foot tall blond with a huge rack. Best part is she doesn't even beat us regular joes up. Just flies you off to jail and makes sarcastic comments about you staring at her tits.

anyways i saw the avengers, they are a weird ass bunch.
Some big ass green fucker who THREW A GOD DAMN BUILDING, WHAT IN THE FUCK?
then theres iron man, whos that super rich asshole tony stark.
also some really weird guys and that stupid narcissistic asshole captain america. serious WTF is with that shield?

Anyways fuck them i'm moving back to gotham i don't want to deal with building throwing asshatery at all. at least with bats you won't be a pancake when he gets pissed off.

You guys ever seen Nightwing? He kicks ass just as good as the Batman, but hot damn he is stylish about it. I'm straight and I couldn't help looking at his ass. That is of course right before he turned around and bonked me in the head with those twin sticks he has.

I use to work for the green hornet.....a long time ago....

The man has almost as much firepower as the batmobile in that black beauty of his....and that fucking butler of his.....

He moves like batman...

Payed me once, and i never saw him again.....

>>31103070
At least I have the curtesy to anounce myself!
>>31103080
Get back to work before I test that one on you!

>>31103074
Yeah, but what was it. I heard the same thing before I got put in a sleeper hold this time I was guarding a truckload of drugs. I thought it was Batman but he whispered the word "Bueno" into my ear and put me into a sleeper hold. Then while I was unconscious I kept having these weird dreams where I was sucking on a banana.

Guys, I've found some tech in a dumpster behind a strip club and plugged it into the computer.

It's reading all your IP addresses. (Yes, I knew you were posting Bob.)
Someone who's IP address goes to a server named Oracle has twice as much activity on this page as anyone else. Just wondering who this go-getter is.

>>31103139
you stupid asshole thats like one of batman's first robins, he has the same damn haircut as he did as a little kid.

holy fuck i'm old and need to get out of this business, ho the fuck i'm still alive i don't even know.

>>31103157

You fired me out of a cannon. You can't fire me twice, that's just not funny man. That's lamer than Barbara Gordan.

>>31103181
Oh, THAT'S where I've seen the bastard. By the way, there's a new one running around. I thought Joker got the last one intimately acquainted with a crowbar? Why the he'll would Bats get another one?

>>31103219
come on man
I know we're henchmen but that's just in poor taste

>>31103219
>lamer than Babs Gordon
Jesus, I bet Batman is going to actually find you and kick your ass for posting that.

>>31103245
because bats is a pedophile and insane, i mean how else do you explain someone who runs around in spandex and requires a sidekick to do the same but even tighter?
i mean why in the hell is he even bringing little kids around with him all the time seriously, why not some athletic person, or batgirl? at lwast attempt to not look gay batman.

>>31103245
You know all those superhero types collect kid sidekicks. Batman just goes through them more than the rest of the capes.

>>31103304
The best part is how he's all slinking in the shadows while he's got the kid out in the open dressed like a fucking human traffic light.

>>31103307
superman doesn't.
at least i don't need to deal with getting my ass kicked by a little kid when superman raids lex.